by Jennifer Greene-Sullivan
In October of 2017, I was reminded that the Holy Spirit has always communicated with me when He woke me from sleep after nursing my baby. He woke me up just after midnight that October morning, and He said, “GO CHECK ON ANYA NOW!”
I ran to her room, flung open the door, and found my daughter awake, sitting on her bed while holding a brown paper bag. This bag was full of discarded medication that she had been saving. She had twenty something letters in envelopes spread across her bed. She had been planning on taking her own life. Until that very moment, I had no clue that anything was wrong with her.
She was sixteen years old, but she seemed like such a well-balanced teen. She had been hiding a secret—her mental illness struggles and suicidal ideations. That night, she and a therapist met, and our care team decided it was best for her to spend 72 hours in a Savannah, Georgia, mental hospital that took children and teens.
My husband and I felt heartbroken that she felt that death was her only way out of a horrific, anxious, sad mental state. We called her biological dad and her stepmom, and we focused on family therapy to help her. However, what was broken in her could only be fixed by the One who so graciously formed her and knew her from the very beginning. What was broken could have only be made whole by the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
From that moment on, she had so many diagnoses and medications that I didn’t know what they all were; however, that night marked the beginning of a very long battle that ended at the feet of Jesus two years ago. Just this morning, Anya, now twenty-three and attending ministry school, sent me a text with a pic of an email I sent her back in 2017.
This is the email I sent her in October 2017.
That email reminded my mama’s heart how painful it was to watch my daughter get into an ambulance in Dublin, Georgia, and she spent a week away from me and her family for the first time in her life. Her absence was hard enough, not to mention for such a serious, heart-wrenching reason. I found myself fighting for my child’s mental and physical health so often in the coming months that sometimes the exhaustion overtook my heart and my mind.
Yet, I did not fully trust nor accept the help of God with her and with our family until 2020 when I rededicated my life to a fully committed, Christ centered, take up my cross daily and follow Him moment when my second daughter began to falter in her own mental health crisis. What really had kept me from full surrender at that time? I am not completely sure. We sought so much from mental health professionals, medical interventions, and therapists galore that maybe it simply took me that long to figure out that the CURE was so simple…JESUS! Simply, the Way Maker, JESUS is, was, and will always be the only answer. Isaiah 41:10 (NIV): “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
As I reflect on that challenging time in 2017, I am reminded of the above email I sent Anya while she was in the hospital. In it, I expressed my deep love for her and shared a promise of hope. I wrote:
“I cannot tell you how many times you have crossed my mind today. It is so hard to be so far away from you. My life is not mine without you. You are my life and my hope. You are my everything… You are the light in a dark room. You are the great helper of others. I believe in you and your future. I love you beyond measure, my daughter.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Based on Anya’s own testimony that she read to me just last week, it wasn’t until two years ago when she finally recommitted herself to Jesus–to a consistent walk with Him–that she was delivered from her mental health issues. She has experienced much healing over the last few years, although we both still struggle with anxiety from time to time. She has taken courage and stepped outside her comfort zone to pursue her call by Jesus to attend The Ramp University in Hamilton, Alabama. She has dedicated her life to Jesus’ call and to the ministry that He is preparing for her life.
The words from Jeremiah 1:5 resonate with me even more now: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.” Those moments were a reminder of her purpose and potential, and I hold onto the belief that God has a beautiful plan for her life.
As I reflect on Anya’s journey and our family’s struggles, I’m reminded of the incredible power of God’s love and grace. It’s a testament to the fact that no matter how dark the path may seem, His light can break through and guide us to healing and restoration. The journey we’ve taken together has deepened our faith and strengthened our bond, revealing that in our moments of desperation, God is there, ready to embrace us and lead us back to hope. I stand in awe of His faithfulness and the promise that He will continue to use our experiences for His glory. As we move forward, I am filled with anticipation for what God has in store for Anya and our family, believing wholeheartedly that our best days are still ahead. Let this be a reminder that no matter how challenging the circumstances, we are never alone on this journey, and His plans for us are always good. Romans 8:28 (NIV): “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV): “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
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The Aging English Major 