When to Speak and When to Be Quiet: A Lesson from a Fly

I am still learning…

by Jennifer Greene-Sullivan

Ever since I was a little girl, I have had a serious issue other than my BIG hair. I have had an issue with my BIG mouth. When I was a little girl, I sang, I shouted, I told stories, and I jabbered—CONSTANTLY. Once, I remember that my daddy said, “Jennifer, you better shut your mouth or a fly is going to fling in there!” I went to laugh at my silly daddy’s words when all of a sudden, a FLY most certainly flew into my mouth, and I choked on it. That day was the perfect illustration of a father’s warning to a child about being careful with the words she says.

My words and my BIG mouth have gotten me into trouble more times than I care to count—even as an adult. Running off at my mouth has caused issues for me as a teacher, as a mother, as a wife, and as a church member. I have hurt my friend’s feelings with my words at times, whether intentional or not. Words wound or words build up. The most important lesson I am continuously learning is when to speak and what to speak. In addition, the words I say about myself are just as important as the words I say to others and about others.

The Word of God has much to say about the power of the tongue, and its influence:

• Proverbs 18:21 – “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
• James 3:5-6 – “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
• Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
• Ecclesiastes 3:7 – “A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.”

The Consequences of Failing to Tame the Tongue

The Bible warns us about the dangers of failing to control our words.

• James 1:26 – “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.”
• Matthew 12:36-37 – “But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”
• Proverbs 10:19 – “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.”

These verses remind us that our words have lasting consequences. Failing to control our tongues can lead to hurt, deception, and even judgment. Our words reveal the condition of our hearts, and if we are careless with them, we can do great damage not only to others but also to ourselves.

Application: How to Be More Intentional with Our Words

Learning to tame the tongue requires intentional effort and a heart aligned with God’s wisdom. Here are some practical steps to become more mindful of the words we speak:

1. Pause Before Speaking – Before responding in frustration or haste, take a moment to think. Ask yourself: Is this true? Is this kind? Is this necessary?
2. Pray for Wisdom – James 1:5 reminds us that if we lack wisdom, we can ask God, and He will give it generously. Pray daily for wisdom to speak life-giving words.
3. Speak Life, Not Destruction – Commit to using words that encourage, uplift, and bring healing rather than tearing down.
4. Accountability Matters – Surround yourself with friends or mentors who will hold you accountable for the words you speak.
5. Meditate on Scripture – Fill your heart with the Word of God so that His truth will shape your words.
6. Practice Silence – Sometimes, the best thing to say is nothing at all. Choose to remain silent when words are unnecessary or unhelpful.

When I reflect on that moment as a little girl choking on a fly, I can’t help but laugh—but I also see the deeper message. My father’s warning was both literal and figurative. Our mouths can invite trouble if we are not careful. Today, I am striving to be more intentional with my words—whether speaking to my children, my husband, my friends, or even myself.

The challenge I leave for you today is this: Consider the words you speak and the words you hold back. Are they in alignment with God’s truth? Are they serving His kingdom? If not, perhaps it is time to learn the sacred art of silence.

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