When You Can’t Go Back

by Jennifer Greene-Sullivan

I spoke about my Bleckley Divorce this evening — and it’s been a decade since my entire life changed forever.

When someone asked me, “Why can’t you teach here in Bleckley?” I answered, matter-of-factly, “I can’t go back.”

That answer has more than one meaning:

• The system won’t hire me.
• I don’t want to go.
• And most importantly, God says, “No.”

When I say Bleckley Divorce, I don’t mean a separation between husband and wife. I’m talking about the end of my relationship with the Bleckley County School System — the job, the dream, and the identity I thought I was meant to have till retirement. It was a breakup between me and a calling I had built my entire life around.

For years, I believed teaching in Bleckley County would be my crowning achievement — the moment everything I’d worked for finally came together. Unfortunately, instead of being crowned, I was crushed. That year unraveled everything I thought I knew about success, calling, and purpose. When the system let me go, I thought I had lost everything. In truth, it was the beginning of God’s reconstruction of my life. 2015 was the turn around I so desperately needed.

That Bleckley Divorce broke my heart, but it also broke the chains that had tied me to an identity built on performance and pride. It was the moment God said, “You can’t go back — because I have something greater ahead.”

I wanted so badly to teach in that county. I imagined my hire there as my crowning, culminating achievement — yet it ended in disaster. My heart for teaching broke that year, and I never got my fire back. I wasn’t the same woman, and I wasn’t the same teacher.

But God. 🙌

He used that nightmare of a situation — and the heartbreak that came with it — to completely restructure my being. I am not the Jennifer of ten years ago. Praise God, I’m not!

Back then, I filled the void in my heart — the space meant for intimacy with God — with three teaching jobs and endless hours of dissertation writing that meant absolutely nothing. I was devoid of hope. Devoid of joy. Devoid of morals and virtue because I was devoid of devotion to the Most High God.

I worshipped myself and chased everything I thought I wanted. My poor children suffered. My students suffered. My colleagues suffered — all because my spirit was in ruins.

Then, in February of 2015, I came to the end of myself.
For another year, I had to surrender — piece by piece — to the restoration that only Jesus can bring to a war-torn heart, especially one riddled with bullets from friendly fire.

I had destroyed myself. How sad. How unnecessary.

Yet the woman I am today– she lives FREE.
I love the Lord. I have joy. I have peace.
I have hope, patience, kindness, and purpose.
I found fulfillment not in work or titles, but in my relationship with Jesus.

He has blessed me beyond measure. He has been so good to me.
Thank You, Jesus, for delivering me from the dumpster fire I made of my own life.

Maybe you’re at a crossroads right now.
You can go straight, or you can turn. But whatever you do, there’s no going back to who and what was. This part of your journey has ended. There’s no point in lingering.

Your path lies ahead — and if you take it with Jesus as your tour guide, He will make every crooked place straight: in your path, your mind, your heart, your spirit, and your soul.

Make this moment count.
Love your God with all your heart, with all your mind, and with all your strength.
Leave the old self behind and step boldly into the new creation Christ has made you to be.

Pray with me:

Jesus, take all I am.
I give myself to You.
Fix me. Remake me. Lead me in all ways.
Amen.

#Testimony #FaithJourney #ButGod #NoGoingBack #JesusRestores #Redeemed #GraceStory #NewCreation #FaithOverFear #HeMakesAllThingsNew