by Jennifer Greene-Sullivan
Learning to Rest, Surrender, and Recognize His Voice
This week, two people approached me about purchasing my paintings. While I was humbled and grateful that someone would want to own something I created, I found myself wrestling with a question I had never seriously considered. Should I sell my artwork? Until now, I have always given my paintings away, and the thought of placing a price on something the Lord has so graciously given me left me feeling uncertain.
You see, I don’t consider myself an artist because I was born with some extraordinary natural ability. I consider myself an artist because the Lord graciously answered my prayers and placed a gift in my hands that I never expected to receive just this year. Every painting, every written reflection, and every creative opportunity reminds me of His goodness. And if He is the giver, then surely He should be the One directing how the gift is used.
I don’t yet know whether He will lead me to sell my paintings, continue giving them away, or use them for a purpose I haven’t even imagined. But for once, I don’t feel compelled to manufacture an answer simply because someone has presented me with an opportunity. I can wait.
When My Strength Runs Out
There are moments in my life when I must admit that I have absolutely no clue what I am doing. I have a serious routine, a busy schedule, and a determination that generally keeps me moving from one responsibility to the next. Yet, on the first day of my school’s Fall Break, I found myself at the end of my own strength. My body was tired, my thoughts were scattered, and my spirit was longing for something I couldn’t manufacture through another completed task or another checked box on my calendar.
I needed rest, but not simply the kind that comes from sleeping a little later or taking a day away from work. I needed spiritual renewal. I needed to be still long enough to recognize the voice of the One who has been leading me all along. More than anything, I needed to remember that I belong to Him.
I have always been a strong-willed woman. I am highly motivated, obstinately driven, and generally unwilling to give up on something once I have set my mind to accomplish it. Those characteristics have served me well in many seasons of my life, but they have also carried me into situations where I was relying far more heavily on my own determination than on the Lord’s direction.
There is a difference between perseverance and striving. Perseverance continues in obedience when the path becomes difficult, while striving attempts to force a path forward even when the Lord has not directed our steps. I have discovered that I am quite capable of confusing the two. Sometimes my determination becomes the very thing that prevents me from recognizing my need to surrender.
This week, that realization became painfully apparent as I struggled to write my weekly Torn Wings Still Fly column. Normally, an experience or spiritual reflection begins taking shape long before my deadline. This time, however, I had nothing. My thoughts were scattered, my body was weary, and every attempt to force the words onto the page left me feeling more frustrated.
So, I did something that doesn’t come naturally to me. I waited.
I deliberately allowed my deadline to pass because I recognized that I didn’t know what the Lord wanted me to say. And if these words belong to Him, why would I attempt to write them without first listening for His direction? I had to accept that even the words I write are not mine to command.
The Shepherd Knows My Name
In John 10:3–4, Jesus describes the relationship between the shepherd and his sheep. The shepherd calls his own sheep by name, leads them out, and goes before them. The sheep follow because they recognize his voice.
What a beautiful picture of belonging!
The sheep do not have to determine the safest route, anticipate every danger, or create their own path to pasture. Their responsibility is to recognize the shepherd’s voice and follow his leading. The sheepfold provides a place of protection and belonging, but the shepherd also knows when it is time to lead his sheep out.
And that is where my own determination so often gets in the way.
I want to know the destination before I begin walking. I want to understand the purpose before I surrender my plans. I want to accomplish the task, meet the deadline, and check another responsibility off my list. Yet, Jesus has never asked me to lead Him. He has asked me to follow.
Scripture Study: The Sheepfold and the Shepherd
John 10:3–4 (ESV)
“To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.”
In biblical times, a sheepfold provided protection for the flock, particularly during the night. The shepherd knew his sheep and could lead them safely out to pasture when the time came. Jesus uses this familiar relationship to describe the security, belonging, and guidance His followers find in Him.
But what captures my attention is the order of the shepherd’s actions. He calls, He leads, and the sheep follow. They do not rush ahead and demand that he catch up with them. They do not decide for themselves that the time has come to leave the sheepfold. They listen for the familiar voice of the one who knows them.
I think about how often I have attempted to determine my own direction simply because I was uncomfortable waiting. Sometimes I have mistaken an open opportunity for a divine instruction, believing that because something was possible, it must also be what God wanted me to pursue. Yet, not every opportunity is necessarily an assignment.
Psalm 23:3 (ESV)
“He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”
Notice the order of those words. He restores, and He leads.
I cannot help but wonder how often I have exhausted myself trying to walk a path the Lord never asked me to travel. How many times have I attempted to accomplish His purposes through my own strength rather than surrendering to His leading? And how many times has my own determination drowned out the quiet invitation to rest in His presence?
This week, I needed restoration before direction. I needed to stop running long enough to remember whose sheep I am.
The Obedience of Stillness
Of course, the Lord has a wonderful way of using the most ordinary circumstances to reveal something extraordinary about our hearts. This week, He used Chris’s rambunctious Jagdterrier puppy, Merle, to remind me of the importance of obedience.
Merle is twenty pounds of black-coated determination who has never encountered a muddy puddle, a dead animal, or an opportunity for mischief that he didn’t find irresistible. Wednesday afternoon, he escaped from Chris’s truck and made his way to the Holloways’ pasture, where he enthusiastically began herding their goats in one continuous, frantic circle.
Despite everyone calling for him to stop, Merle remained completely consumed with his self-appointed mission. By the time Chris retrieved him, the Holloways had experienced quite enough of his determination, and Mrs. Holloway offered the obvious conclusion: “That dog needs obedience training!”
As I waited on the Lord the following afternoon, the connection finally came. I recognized something of myself in Merle. How often have I become so determined to accomplish something that I have neglected to listen for the voice of the One who knows exactly where I need to go?
Merle’s determination isn’t necessarily the problem. His unwillingness to listen is. And while my relationship with Jesus is rooted in love rather than the external correction Merle requires, I recognize that I, too, need the humility to receive correction and the willingness to obey.
Sometimes obedience requires movement. Other times, obedience requires stillness. The challenge is learning to recognize which one the Shepherd is asking of me.
Everything Belongs to Him
I have come to realize that obedience isn’t always demonstrated through action. Sometimes the greatest act of obedience is surrendering the desire to act before the Lord has given direction. For someone as determined and strong-willed as I am, that kind of stillness requires tremendous humility.
I don’t particularly enjoy admitting that I have reached the end of myself. Yet, perhaps reaching that place is exactly what I needed. When my own strength is exhausted, I am reminded that I was never meant to sustain myself apart from Him.
And so I return to the question that began this reflection. What should I do with the paintings the Lord has allowed me to create?
For now, I don’t know.
But I know whose hands placed the gift in mine, and I know whose voice I want to follow.
The same is true of my writing, my teaching, my family, and every other responsibility He has entrusted to me. My determination may help me accomplish many things, but it cannot replace obedience. I cannot claim that everything belongs to Him while continually insisting upon directing it myself.
Yesterday, I found myself returning to one simple declaration:
“Everything I am or have belongs to Him. He is my Shepherd. So I will wait till He has called me through the sheepfold.”
Those words have become more than a reflection about my artwork. They are a declaration about how I want to live.
I want to recognize His voice before I move. I want to trust His direction even when I cannot see the destination. And when He asks me to wait, I want to remain in His presence without allowing my own determination to drive me into another exhausting circle.
Challenge of the Week: Wait for His Voice
This week, I challenge you to examine the areas of your life where determination may have replaced obedience. Are you pursuing something simply because you have decided it must be accomplished? Have you become so consumed with responsibilities, expectations, and deadlines that you have neglected to listen for the Shepherd’s voice?
Set aside intentional time this week to be still before the Lord. Open your Bible to John 10 and read the words of Jesus concerning the Shepherd and His sheep. Ask Him to reveal where you have been running ahead of His direction and where He may be calling you to follow in obedience.
Then, be willing to respond.
If He calls you forward, follow. If He calls you to remain still, wait. Remember that obedience is not measured by how much we accomplish but by our willingness to trust the One who leads us.
A Prayer for the Waiting
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for being my Shepherd, for knowing my name, and for loving me even when my determination carries me in circles. Forgive me for the times I have relied upon my own strength rather than surrendering to Your direction. Forgive me for mistaking busyness for obedience and for allowing my own desires to become louder than Your voice.
Lord, restore my weary soul. Teach me to recognize Your voice above the noise of my responsibilities, expectations, and ambitions. Give me the humility to accept Your correction, the courage to follow when You call, and the patience to remain still when You ask me to wait.
Everything I am and everything I have belongs to You. My family, my teaching, my writing, my artwork, and every gift You have placed in my hands are Yours. Help me steward them faithfully without attempting to control the purposes You have ordained for them.
When I am tempted to run ahead, remind me that You have already gone before me. When I am weary, lead me into Your rest. And when I cannot see the way forward, help me trust that my Shepherd does.
In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.
Perhaps Merle will eventually learn that not every goat needs to be herded, and perhaps I will finally learn that not every opportunity needs to be pursued simply because it appears before me.
Until then, I will continue learning to listen, surrender, and obey.
After all, I belong to the Shepherd, and He knows the way home.
Artist’s Note: The Lone Leaf
I chose my watercolor of a lone autumn leaf to accompany this reflection because it reminds me of the beauty found in surrender. A leaf cannot determine when the wind will blow or where it will eventually come to rest. There comes a season when it must release its hold and trust the journey beyond the branch. As I painted this solitary leaf, I didn’t fully recognize how beautifully it would illustrate what the Lord was teaching me about waiting, letting go, and trusting His direction. Like that leaf, I am learning that surrender isn’t the end of my purpose. Sometimes, it is simply the beginning of allowing the One who created me to lead me where I belong.
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